Five Crossovers That Didn't HappenRating:
Sora, Goofy, Jiminy Cricket, (Kingdom Hearts), Sofu D (Petshop of Horrors), Son Goku (Saiyuki), Skulduggery Pleasant, Stephanie Edgely, (Skulduggery Pleasant), Vash the Stampede (Trigun).Notes:
Oh god I don't even know
but it exists
and the note for the Trigun section is currently tying with the entire Pet Shop of Horrors section
for my favourite part of this fic. >_>1.
Sora had never really been sure if Heartless could understand words - they didn't look
like they could hear him, or like they had ears, and the only thing he could remember about being a Heartless was the way Kairi had glowed in his mind even from the other side of the castle, so that was no help either.
Still, he thought they might, because when the guy in the red coat picked his gun up out of the sand (and he hadn't fired it once,
not at the swarms of Heartless and not at the guys leading them) and yelled "REPEAT AFTER ME! LOVE - AND - PEACE!" every single one cowered in terror.2.
There had been a pet shop on Destiny Island that Sora's mom had taken him to when he was younger, full of shelves and light and the smell of sawdust and fluffy animals in cages for him to try and stroke through the wire.
This shop was about as far from that memory as it could get.
The shop was underground, dimly lit, and it smelled like the temple Mulan had taken them to the last time they visited, where she'd prayed to her ancestors and Mushu had tried to hide in Sora's jacket with Jiminy. It didn't seem to have any animals
in it either, but the empty cages hanging from the ceiling all swung like something was moving inside them.
"Welcome," the man - at least, Sora thought
it was a man, but he was wearing a dress so who knew?
- "I am Count D. May I help you?"
"Uh," Sora said "Is this the pet shop? A detective said I should talk to you about any strange animals that might have been appearing, because you'd probably..." Sora hesitated. The detective had actually said "Because that son-of-a-bitch is probably the one who brought them here and started selling them to people, and if he isn't then he'll know more about it than he's supposed to,"
but there was no way
he could repeat that. "You'd probably know about them."
The guy's mouth (it had to be a guy, only men could be Counts, right? He wished Riku were here, Riku would know.) turned down at the corners a little, even though he looked like he was still trying
to smile. "Of course. Would you like to sit down? We can discuss this over tea."
Sora nodded and slowly started towards the sofa, twisting and standing on his toes to peer into the cages he passed. It was kinda dark and smoky in the shop, but he still wasn't sure he could see anything in there that would explain the cage moving like that. "Do you really sell animals here?"
The Count smiled - a real
smile, sharp and triumphant - as he said "We sell so much more than that - we sell love, hope and dreams." He gestured sharply, and Sora looked away from the Count's gold eyes to find them mirrored by the gold eyes hovering in every cage as the Heartless rose up inside them.3.
"So breaking the summoning of the worst evil ever is supposed to summon heroes instead to clean up the mess," Stephanie said, holding Skulduggery's skull up at eye-level.
"Supposed to, yes," Skulduggery agreed, his voice muffled by Stephanie's hands on his jaw bone. His now-battered hat flopped with every word. "And it looks
like it worked, so we can go and get my body back soon."
"Skulduggery, it summoned a boy with an oversized key, a giant talking duck, and something that might
have been a dog a really long time ago."
"You say that like it's not
the most normal thing that's happened today."4.
"Why would Riku be here?
" Sora asked, peering through the fog. He shaded his eyes with both hands as though that would help, and Jiminy hopped onto one, unfolding a piece of paper almost as big as him.
"The letter says 'You'll find what you're looking for in Silent Hill,' so we might be able to ask him ourselves!"
"I hope so," Sora said doubtfully, then "Do you hear static?"5.
"Gawsh l'il fella, are you some kinda trouble?" Goofy asked, crouching by the mouth of the - cave? It looked like a cage growing up out of the earth, but the poor l'il fella inside had been huddled up at the back, hair matted around him and chains digging into his wrists. They didn't usually take prisoners at Disney Castle, but Goofy knew that sticking someone in a cage in a forest and just leaving
them there wasn't right. But then, the kid was all alone, and Goofy'd never
liked seeing people alone and unhappy.
"I don't know," the boy in the cage said, looking up at Goofy with big, confused gold eyes. "I don't remember. I'm just - waiting for someone."
Donald would have noticed the kid's gold eyes and the cage and been suspicious. Sora would've felt the despair building around him and started to look for Heartless.
Goofy saw what Donald would've seen and felt what Sora would've felt, but he knew he could trust his own heart, and it was telling him that the kid in the cage was more than what he seemed, sure, but he wasn't bad.
"I'm waiting for people too," Goofy said, chuckling too himself as he sat down by the cage. "Maybe we should wait together."
Wolfwood was the only one who wasn't
surprised to discover Vash was the Heart of the world, but he punched Vash in the head anyway.2.
Leon is the support character for that world, and his combo attack involves equal amounts of punching, shooting, and yelling his head off. It's AWESOME. He's also convinced that Donald and Goofy are from the pet shop and know where D is, but eh. (That's why you don't get them in ANY battle that takes place at the pet shop - the pet shop just whisks them off. Which raises the question of "Would people be able to see Goofy and Donald in human form if they saw them in the pet shop?" and the more vital one of "Would people want
to?") ALSO, Count
D is nowhere to be found during the main game, and the last time you leave the world it's kinda sad because Leon and Chris are reunited, but Leon fucks off again
to go looking for D. But trust me, if you watch the clips during the credits, there's a scene where D's in the pet shop pouring out tea with the animals, and the front door opens. D looks up to tell whoever came in that the shop's closed, and it's Leon's silhouette in the doorway! *flails*3.
There's a story behind this one entitled "When Skulduggery Didn't Lose His Head But Forgot to Keep Track of His Body," but I'm not sure this is the appropriate place to tell it!4.
You just know Sora breaks Silent Hill really really thoroughly.
(Also, from the lack of imagination in the letter, most people assume the Organisation sent it. I doubt the Organisation spent long in Silent Hill though because CHRIST, did you SEE what the town did to the Heartless?!)5.
Of course, Sora and Donald show up before Sanzo does, and the all feel really bad about leaving Goku in the cage - but he's happy even after they go, because for a little while he wasn't alone.
ACTUAL story note: The alternative for 4 was Labyrinth,
but all I really had for it was"But that's not fair!" Sora protested, looking around for the door that had been in front of him a minute ago.
"People do keep saying that," the Goblin King announced behind him. "It makes me wonder what their basis of comparison is."
Wonderland, actually. Although Wonderland was just confusing and slightly nauseating instead of actually trying to kill him.
and while I like that better, I couldn't think of an actual punch line for it. Sadface.